


Gooood Morning, Risa!

by GenericUsername01



Series: PRIDE MONTH [4]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Gen, pride month writing prompts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-18 09:15:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14849994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GenericUsername01/pseuds/GenericUsername01
Summary: Prompt: Identity shenanigans.Jim gets drunk on shore leave and decides he absolutely has to come out to the entire population of Risa. Literally.





	Gooood Morning, Risa!

Jim stood up on the bar table and ripped his shirt off. "I'm bisexual as fuck!"

The crowd cheered. Jim grinned exuberantly and tried to jump off the table, nearly landing flat on his face before Spock caught him.

"Are you satisfied now, Cap-Cap'n?" Spock slurred. Jim signaled the bartender and pressed another chocolate liquor into his hands. His mouth hurt. He could not stop smiling.

Slightly hysterical laughter bubbled out of him. "No way! That wasn't nearly enough people!"

"I belie-bel-- It was too, Jim."

Jim gasped in excitement and latched onto Spock's shoulders, giving him a big kiss on the cheek. "You called me Jim!"

Spock grimaced.

Jim pulled him along by the elbow. "Come on! I've got an idea!"

* * *

"Do you think we'll get in trouble?" Jim asked, fiddling with wires. They weren't moving right. They kept bending.

"No," Spock said. "Why would we? This is logical."

"It totally is."

They worked in silence for another five minutes. Outside the door, their crew was frantically trying to override the locking mechanism and let themselves in. Unfortunately, even drunk off their asses, Kirk and Spock were still geniuses with the security codes of the two highest ranking officers on the ship. The crew couldn't stop them now, especially this sad little skeleton crew while the rest of the ship partied down on Risa.

Jim pitied them. His crew deserved all the shore leave in the world. Maybe then they'd stop being so tense and cranky and just leave him and Spock alone to build their broadcast beacon.

"Jim, I know you're in there!" Bones called through the door. Jim snickered quietly and held a finger up to his lips. Spock looked baffled. "Get off of the bridge right this instant! You're in no position to piloting a starship!"

Jim huffed petulantly. "We aren't piloting. I would never endanger the Enterprise that way, I love her. More than I love you!"

"We?" Bones asked. "Jim, who is we?"

"Dr. Bones," Spock admonished loudly. "'Who is we' is grammarily incorrect."

"I'm pretty sure you just made that word up," Jim said. Spock huffed indignantly.

"Spock?" Bones asked incredulously. "Spock, thank god! Listen, Jim's drunk and stupid, don't let him do anything."

"Captain Hot Ass can do whatever he feels like," Spock insisted. Jim burst out laughing, dropping the computer components and almost keeling over.

"Oh god," he said. "That's the only thing I ever want you to call me from now. Even on the bridge. _Especially_ on the bridge."

"I have only ever called you that on the bridge, Captain."

"No. Use my full title," he said. "What's my name?"

"Captain Hot Ass," Spock repeated obediently. He handed him a missing computer chip, and soon they were both distracted in their work again.

"Jim!" Bones banged on the turbolift. "Listen to me, Jim, you aren't thinking right, you're drunk. Now, I have no clue how you roped Spock into all this--"

"Spock's drunk too."

"Oh god," he said. "You got Spock  _drunk?"_

"No, Spock got himself drunk!"

Spock nodded sagely. Jim giggled. "He can't see you, silly."

"Ah. Yes. I most definitely got myself drunk, Dr. Bones."

"Dr. Bones," Jim repeated, smirking.

"What the hell are you two doing in there?!"

"Building a broadcast beacon!" Jim called. "We're gonna hook it through the communications station and then hack our way into the Risan Intraplanetary Network."

"Why?"

"Captain Hot Ass no longer wishes to be in the closet and therefore must come out to ever person he is physically able to tell," Spock said. "He has explained this to me and his logic is sound. That this has gone undone for so long is... sad. You have been remiss in your duties, Dr. Bones. You are a bad friend."

Bones shook his head, trying to find  _any_ relevant information in Spock's incoherent ramblings. "Wait. You're doing all of this so what Jim can come out?" he asked. "Jim. You aren't even in the closet. You've been out to everybody for as long as I've known you."

"Not  _everyone,"_ he said. "Sometimes when I go on away missions, the people I meet assume that I'm straight, and that's just wrong."

"You mean strangers?" Bones asked. "What's your fucking plan here, kid? To come out to the entire universe?"

"Yeah!"

"Jim, that's impossible."

"Negative. We have come up with a plan," Spock said. "First Risa, then Orion, then we will be back in Federation space and head to Deneva--"

"The two of you are just gonna fly this empty ship around the entire galaxy, hacking and taking over the internet of every planet you come across? Just to tell people that Jim is bisexual?"

"Oh, you're coming with us, Bonesy. Don't worry. We won't leave you behind," Jim said.

"That's-- Okay. You know what, you're right. It is a great idea for you to commit this massive felony so that nobody ever assumes you're straight again. I'll leave you two to it."

* * *

Bones had security seal off the air vents and then he gassed the bridge.

Jim and Spock woke up hung over as hell in medbay, Bones glowering down at them.

Jim had the word 'BI' written in giant letters across his face in permanent marker. Chapel had already taken a bunch of holos of it, along with the unfortunate tramp stamp Jim had gotten last night.

"I suppose I don't have to tell you that we'll be playing the bridge security feed in the rec room like it's a goddamn movie for the next week?"

 


End file.
